The Dancing Archer

Holiday Correspondence

2009-12-20T21:22:00.018-05:00

Original Invitation by my sister:

Merry Christmas Family!!!

Larry and I are looking forward to seeing everyone for dinner on Christmas day. We still don't know what we will be having...but whatever it is, I'm sure it will be good. Dinner is at 3 and I know Ashley has mentioned they probably won't make it for dinner but will be by later around 5.

We don't get many chances to all be together at once...so it should be our usual crazy, fun filled family holiday. Nobody needs to bring anything unless you have something specific you wish to drink.

I love you all and can't wait.

Lorrie

From the daily piglet , my other sister:

Ok, I have some special requests this year.

No one can say the word Horseradish.
No one can chew LOUDLY.
No one can wear a hula hoop skirt.
I’ve taken to drinking goat’s milk mixed with eagle blood, I hope that won’t be a problem.
I’m caring for seven chickens and four rabbits that I will HAVE to bring with me to your house.
I have developed a severe shaky condition (kind of like what Michael J. Fox has but undiagnosed of course) that means I spill anything in my vicinity (including other people’s stuff).
I have taken to eating uncooked rat guts and hope that this will not offend anyone.
I’ve grown at least seven feet so you’ll have to adjust all of your doorways to accompany my height growth.
Everyone must address me as MASTER.
If I do not like the food you prepare, I will STOMP OUT LOUDLY CUSSING AND SPITTING THE WHOLE WAY.

After all of the above conditions have been met and prepared for, I will be coming with the husband and the boy. The girl doesn’t arrive until 12.26.09; her plane arrives at 6:33 p.m. She will be here until January 3^rd and she wishes to SEE ALL OF YOU SOMEHOW OR SOMEWAY. She specifically said that she wants Christmas “with the Davis’s”.

I love you all even if you are a bunch of freaks.

Leah, (the favorite/better/non-crazy ONE)

My Reply:

Hi Leah and Everyone Else~

I regret to inform you that I will be unable to call you "Master" as I am now in service to and the sex slave of THEE DEVIL. He gets mean and stabs me with that blasted pitchfork when I call anyone Master but him. Also, he knows when I've been sleeping, he knows when I'm awake, he knows when I've been bad or good......um, ohhhh, that is Santa...nevermind.

Since I am the only "Davis" left... I reckon me and Jess will be having a lovely time and hope that you will save us some raw rat guts with HORSERADISH HORSERADISH HORSERADISH on the side and a lovely glass of blood of eagle/goat milk. THEE DEVIL has ordered me to drink that same drink each day....what a coincidence. :)

I will have to slaughter the fowl and rabbit entourage you will have accompanying you also, because I am a bloodthirsty shark.

I have been working night and day on my elaborate hula hoop skirt just for the occasion of Christmas with the fam. Of course, I will only wear the skirt and nothing else and hope you will give an exception to this RULE you made. It is made out of chicken feathers and rabbit fur.

Perhaps you can make sure you keep your EXTRA TALL, SHAKY self on the other side of the room as to not create spillage and soil my special handmade skirt. We could use tin cans attached to a string to communicate, text or use hand signals that consists of a Turrets type flailing of fingers that mostly consist of shooting the bird.

Finally, I must express my excitement at this special holiday gathering and will be stomping, cussing, spitting and walking in and out for most of the Holiday. My grandson....the redheaded midget will be around and loves his grandmama more than anyone else even if she is a worthless, devil worshipping, homeless, depressed loser. So try not to get too jealous when he sticks his little nose up at you and comes to sit on my lap.

Gosh, I am feeling giddy at the very thought of hanging with all you kind and loving folk.

FALALALALA-LALALALA.

Beth (the one everyone thinks would die....but didn't, so she can plague your asses one more year and who did not buy gifts for anyone cuz she is so poor)

FetLife for Christmas

2009-12-19T05:39:00.002-05:00

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why?

2008-04-15T02:20:00.001-04:00

i realize your eyes
i see the cries
from the boy
who made the man
i weep
i am inept
i sing
i want to
believe
i stand back
i bend
i crouch
i cry
i sigh
i shout
i want to make it go away
because
i dont want to know
how they hurt us
why they hurt them
why love is not in charge
why babies die
where is god
how it let's us do
what we do
where is god
why do we kill
each other
day after day

how we met

2008-04-15T01:20:00.000-04:00

Word’s cloaked in dry grass and arid twigs

are anticipatory fuels;

casualties

under a hot persistent sun.

With the right heat, the right sparks,

a kindling fire spirit seizes the opportunity

to ignite her pondering question with answers.

Flames, caught by the wind, fly skyward and wild.

Land is sky.

Flesh

is bone.

Pain is pleasure.

Old is young

in the burn,

in the flames.

Nothing knows it’s own identity.

Only the water can take her from her endless

burning.

god's evil trick

2008-02-28T22:55:00.003-05:00

soul to soul.
need to need.
age matters not.
we join.
we unite...
into
a state
of bliss.
why in heavens
name
could this be wrong.?
if we just go
with the flow,
god's evil trick
would become clear.
women are
in their prime
at 40.
men are at theirs
at 20.
yeah, god...wtf is up
with this strangeness?

New Love

2008-01-31T00:40:00.001-05:00

He makes me laugh and I don't sense that I am needed to enhance His ego. He is who He is.
He is the best story teller I have met thus far. He smiles and laughs much. He is Dominant to the core. He makes me feel like I matter. We are just on a journey... just being open to finding our partners, the ones we made deals with, to have our back and to tuck us in at night. If it happens then we will settle into bliss, if not, we will carry on.

I hope it is You.

No Title...(for the love of GOD)

2007-11-16T02:05:00.000-05:00

if we do not know the rules then we are exempt from following them, right?

a no boundary union has NO BOUNDARIES.

it is a free for all. anything goes....except for that which transcends common decency.

can anyone tell me who sets the perimeters for "common decency"?

well....these are my ponderings for the moment.

just thinkin'

2007-11-16T01:59:00.000-05:00

...well...each new day brings new lessons if i am teachable. actually, the last week has been turbo charged in the awareness arena. my gratitude abounds for the souls who have supported me in my angst. you held me, you listened and you loved me. may i have the opportunity to be there in the same compassionate way if your need arises. you each know who you are.

oh~ and to the beasts that feel threatened and attempt to tear me down....may your pain have it's end so that you may use your powers for good. my pink bubble is intact and you have no ability to harm me.
you know who you are as well. *grins*

once again

2007-11-16T01:58:00.001-05:00

to the edge...once again, we go.
a dance of advance and retreat.
as i let go~ as i let you be who you are,
i am able to be who i am,
if only for this now moment.
your look tells me all i need to know.
the tone in your voice leads me back.
did i ever even leave?

last night was perfection! you greeted me at the door, you kissed me deep and slow, you wanted me, you touched me, you filled me, you laughed with me, you saw me, you made it clear why...why...i picked you.

once again...from the edge, you pulled me back, exactly where you want me to be.

once again....

TOP/BOTTOM

2007-11-16T01:56:00.000-05:00

I decided I prefer the labels Top and bottom as opposed to Dominant and submissive.

Universe knows that everyone has their OWN interpretation and therefore definitions ABOUND.

I am an explorer, a student of the world and need structure but abhor it as well. The thought of being in ANY box (philosophically) makes me want to shriek. An actual box may be just what the doctor ordered, *grins* in relation to a new scene.

I am more and more interested in taking a position with someone AS our chemistry unfolds than being a submissive or better yet, a bottom at all times. That might be a yucky and limiting experience for all involved. There have been several men labeled dominant who I felt no willingness to submit to because of the nature of the energy between us. There have been very submissive women who I have gotten on so well with that I submitted with no resistance.

Yes...to all who know and Love me....I wasn't raised to be a bottom. It is a dog eat dog world out there and my mentors taught me to be independent and dominant as much as possible. What I described in my profile is the sensual and mental dominance that I crave...at times...

I only have this day...

I am ok to walk in the shadows of exploration to find my right place and if that place shifts...may I be able to flow without an EGO bogdown.

UMMM>>>getting back on the horse. I missed You GUYS.

2007-11-16T01:45:00.000-05:00

An actual real live experience from this blogger:

On my stomach, lying flat, He uses thin canes, 3 in all to tease my skin by pulling them along my thighs, my bottom and my shoulders. He uses one, two, then three at a time to tap quick and hard. Taps turn into whacks. I moan and squirm. He checks me to make sure I am ok, then hits harder. I can not see His face, but I know it is intent on sending me out into the darkness. A crescendo of sweet hormones flow like stardust into my body. He uses toys, mere extensions of his lust to make me climax. He enters me then, telling me how He knows it is this very connection that I need. He fucks me slow and steady, teasing me. He becomes more like an animal, wraps His strong arm around my leg, getting closer, grinding in deeper and harder. I am filled spiritually by the intensity and longevity of His orgasm as His moans and words express His pleasure.

The ice melts immediately as He applies it to the welts. He pulls the cube down the length of my spine and puts his finger on my ass, noting where a bruise will show tomorrow. He presses it between my legs to cool the well used girl parts.
The ice quenches my hot skin. He dries me of the melted water and tells me to get under the covers, it is time for sleep.

2007-09-12T07:01:00.000-04:00

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if i only lived in the forest...

2007-08-15T23:07:00.000-04:00

so, my neighbor comes home from a trip to Charlotte and her electricity is out. *bummer*
she runs for shelter to my pad, of course and calls Progress Energy to get to the bottom of this outage.

because she couldn't abstain from cussing out the answerer on the other end....things didn't progress with Progress as she would have liked.

having called the patient but powerless woman on the end of the phone a CUNT, chances of her getting electricity before the end of next week were small, infintesimal to say the least.

a twist in our saga happens only 30 minutes from her agitated phone call when a power fixing dude shows up in a white truck. i am looking out the window and thank the universe and all it's minions that i cannot hear the convo that is surely happening right outside the door.

turns out the silly biotch (or however the fuck it is spelled...) was sitting moping in her bedroom, by candlelight, drinking a wine cooler and ALL OF A SUDDEN her lights come on. She calls me right away...I am like, "Yeah...I know...Congratulations!"

then, the audacity of some folk...she had asked me to pick up her dogs from the kennel and i had agreed to for a fee."$25.oo will get 'em picked up", I say. heeheee, ha ha...funny chuckles..and she looks all cross-eyed and shit. "No...really", I say..."I will do it for $25.00"
Well....that must have been the most insane statement the girl had heard all year, because she guffawed. "OK...I will do it for $15.00". she still acted like i was trying to rob her. uggggg....the gas, the time and the spazzed out dealings with spazzed out dogs, ya damn straight $15.00 was worth it.

anyways....when the electricity came back on, she CAME over and i fed her some eggplant patties i had made. ( we feed her often) she was like, "which eggplant did you use?" i told her one of them was hers and she about had a cow. (by the way, i waters the gardens) she was like..."i had plans for THAT eggplant."

such is the life of having a neighbor who just so happens to be a friend from high school who i haven't seen in 27 years. Hmmmm....imagine that karma.

when she was moving in, she came by to bring some things that she could carry in her car. we had 2 twenty minute convos before it hit me. last time we talked it was a sunday. tuesday night i was "thinking" as i often do before sleep and i said to self, "i think that is my old pal Stacie"...but that is too surreal, after all these years for this person to present in my life again....hmmmm??

well.....back to now....the bitch is getting on my nerves. there are times when i like hanging out with her, but mostly she drains me dry.

the end.

the phoenix

2007-07-07T07:31:00.000-04:00

i silently summoned him...not even knowing the extent of my desires.
...and he met me in the darkness of my heart only to feed a gnawing hunger.
with ease and a gentle manner, he studied me, he asked questions of import
out of interest or perhaps control.
i was led by that interest into a soft nest of sure dominance.
submitting to him was as natural as the goose bumps that swelled on my arms from his
touch.
he gave...encouraging my giving...advising me to pay attention to my breath.
he was a guide, leading me toward myself~ which i see as the whole point of connections such as these.
he opened a door inside me. through his balance and unhurried approach, he reached into me physically and spiritually to bring tears from the rain forest within.
settled...at least for a moment...i gaze outward into my garden and wonder where i will plant my mint.

July 4, 2007

2007-07-05T02:57:00.000-04:00

Thank you my good friends H and M.

The food was terrific and the company was exquisite.

A Good Life

2007-07-05T02:55:00.000-04:00

The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy - I mean that if you are happy you will be good.
- Bertrand Russell

when all else fails

2007-06-29T01:16:00.000-04:00

there is this guy. he is sensual. he rubs his hands along my body and smells me...takes in my aroma and smiles. he seems to hold a mission in his thoughts. he wants to give me shuddering orgasms at his hand. i like his attentive nature and wish to please him in a way all my own. we will be fine friends, i can see and this is a pleasant summoning. when the phoenix rose from it's ashes, it flew quickly and expeditiously into a glittering night...into another sphere, different than the last. he was more than ready for this awakening and wears it like a fitted leather jacket, loose and on his terms. blessed be the kinksters, may their originality and risks shine bright for us all to gain strength from. this guy...is a kinkster as am i. we play nice, only beginning to see where we could go. so many intriguing activities lie ahead...the surface hasn't even been scratched. there is this guy who i trust.....

Hey There Delila

2007-06-03T17:30:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4kMbg4QAQk

notes to me

2007-05-30T23:14:00.001-04:00

an open mind is one of the greatest assets i have to be able to transcend the trials of life.
whether it be physical or emotional pain that is bogging me down, if my mind is OPEN to solutions...even ones that aren't in my realm of understanding, i benefit.
i don't have to understand how they work, i don't have to have mastery of the process to gain insight.
willingness to try a method outside of my typical comfort zone has brought immense joy to this girl on occasions too numerous to mention.
it seems that the best answers to my questions lie in simplicity.
ending my own isolation by reaching out to another with love can make the worst day seem tolerable.
i must experience my ups and downs and be READY, really ready, for change of this magnitude to occur. if i need to sit in negativity and suffering for one day or one year...so be it.
my THINKING can be altered as soon as i decide i am sick of the way i feel.
i can change my thoughts. all i need is the desire to have a different reality.
POOF~ a different reality.

on sunday

2007-05-21T19:27:00.001-04:00

i was not doing as i had been told...you moved to where the leather flogger and crop hung..i reached out my hand to be held...i lowered my eyes from you as to not fall into angry orbs of mirky sight. the slaps on flesh rang loudly...your hand expertly wrapping my hair around it, tight! with your tugs, you pulled out the will to object, debate, negate or discuss and my energy sparked and flowed out like glittery ions swimming with angels into the nag champa scented room. unbuttoning your pants, pulling your zipper down and feeling the hot flesh wrapped around pulsing veins fall unto my lips, i could only sigh. my tongue lept out to lick the ridge of your head. i fought to go slow for i needed it deep in my throat, i needed to slide it in and out of my hungry mouth. so...you controlled the pressure by the grip you had on my hair. this was your girl, doing your bidding...she liked it when you owned her movements. she liked being told to get on her knees with her ass in the air. more spanking as you entered me sent me to the place we all desire, pure animal lust and submission. you went into me hard, slow and deep and massaged my emotions, my spirit and my muscles. i squeezed you hard but you continued to use me faster...then you stopped and stayed inside me just moving your hips slightly. my blood shot toward my pelvis and engorged my essence with pleasure. "next time you will only get the spankings and not the fucking. why have you been such a brat?"...i reached my hand out to be held. you turned away..."let's go, we're late."

i love all ya'll

2007-05-21T13:52:00.001-04:00

i wanted to let all my blogger family know that i am sorry for neglecting you by not visiting your blogs in a long time.
i also wanna thank the ones who visited me lately. your comments have lifted me up.
i have been involved with finding a job and recently cohabitating with a fella i fell in love with awhile back. i have written about him extensively.
i have planted a garden and many seeds and am trying to mend a strained relationship with my pre-teen son. i have a job that i like and am moving toward regaining financial stability.
i hope this little update finds you all healthy and content.
lots of love from this one to you!!

Anonymous Commentor.....

2007-05-03T07:06:00.000-04:00

I have wanted to respond to you but have not been able to yet. Please email me.
Keep your chin up...you are not alone. All will be well, I promise!

the well

2007-04-27T16:18:00.002-04:00

an empty well...is just that...empty.

if i want some sun, i may sit near it
and photosynthesize.

if i am hungry, i may eat an apple
perched on the rim.

thirst...is a different story...this well hath no water.
no bucket dipping down to pull a drink upward.

leaves shroud a shaded
hole....stones with no moss,
the sky is it's bluest blue, yet
we cannot wet our lips nor wash our hair here.

it's empty.....may the rains come soon.

in search of love

2007-04-19T01:30:00.000-04:00

into this journey i tumble
somersaults, cartwheels and backflips,
battling a fear of abandonment.
the aloofness of you
is the big risk for me now.
CONTROL,
ultimately...we all need it
to suffice the spiritual bankruptcy.
...ahhh...
the godhead lost,
the union of all unions invisible,
the shit fed my the media,
by our parents.
lost~
searching and denied~ babes in the woods
...looking for justice
...for love.

2007-04-15T13:14:00.000-04:00

The pouring rain ceases
....soaked seeds swell...
becoming ready to sprout
....the sun shows up,
beams through clouds
and begins it's job
of pulling the moisture
from earths greenery.
birds chirp their approval,
serenading that life-giving orb.
my heart becomes full
at the witnessing
of this most simple process.
no technology needed,
no words even
...just pure unadulterated spirit at work.
i am touched
by these miracles
in ways
only my soul understands.
this is beauty....this is god.

anticipation

2007-03-31T11:57:00.000-04:00

anticipation wreaks havoc upon my serenity
...fear of the unknown,
that tricky destoyer of wishes
seeks to attach to a cell
and morph into a full fledged disallowing entity.
NO NO NO~
i must experiment with this One~
there are lessons to learn, old ways to shed,
a union that was planned centuries ago.
He was summoned
...at a time when i knew not his face or name...
He cometh to me in the noon hour,
to be my dominant One...
to show me more of what lies inside.
He taketh my breath away with just his voice, his stare.
i long to know his stories...i long to tell Him mine.
a ghost whispers the lyrics to our song
...bittersweet and timely.
the stars twinkle as always in the night sky,
yet i feel them in my blood
...the electricity fires deep.
until then.....anticipation reigns.

bearing it all

2007-03-17T01:47:00.000-04:00

i am embarrassed at the things i must tell you. i fell hopelessly in love with a married man. i didn't know he was married~ exactly~ i had "red flags" but until they became too blaring, i went along my merry way as a woman entranced by him....addicted perhaps....and was a fool. i asked 5 times...."are YOU married?" NO~ was always the reply. the last time he became so enraged by it that i promised to not ask again. he seemed single. of course, later, according to him, he had been rejected by his wife...no sex for 2 years?!?!?! wonder why that is? i still don't know the answer.

he wasn't even the best lover, the most emotionally available one i have met or even the most handsome, but he "got" me in a way i wish now he had not. he was my first Dom, the first man i encountered in my exploration into D/s and bdsm.

i became increasingly unfulfilled as time went on, i wanted more than he could give, i expected him to be a savior of sorts. i wondered why he did not invite me to his home. why would he not spend the night. he portrayed a wounded, angsty soul who needed a lot of space. i understood that. i was patient. i thought i would be the "missionary slut" to heal him. i only wanted what i wanted. it was my search of my own saving that was projected upon him.

there you have it. it ultimately ends up being my own search of selfish desires that caused my own undoing. blame has no place here, or anywhere for that matter. i must always take it like the grown woman i am and swallow my pride and realize, i am responsible for my own life.

i cannot not love him...i cannot not deny his corresponence as of yet. i am now an empty shell who must find her spiritual fulfillment in that which is everlasting. god is the only place i have and really has always been my saving grace.

my angst comes from the invisibility, the illusiveness, the i can't fucking see or feel YOU problem of it all.

2007-03-12T04:58:00.000-04:00

once upon a time there was a girl, only 24, and she found she was with child. she was very afraid. she knew, though, that she needed this being inside her, however her mind tried to tell her that she was not ready. she went back and forth in her mind about whether or not she was worthy enough to allow this entity into her life. it hurt. it was terrifying. days went by and she only wept with her indecision. her selfish desires reigned supreme. could she be the right kind of mom? was the daddy around enough to help? ultimately.....her Love was the decider of it all. she wanted to allow this soul in no matter what. yes....all her life she said...no kids! until...she felt it. she felt it. it was time...it was not only about her. it was this soul's decision....mommy....i will be here. i AM. i EXIST! embrace me. you will be amazed at what i will teach you. it is all about LOVE. love me....for you really have no choice...because you are made to be my mommy. You are READY.

gratitude list wednesday

2007-02-28T00:50:00.000-05:00

1. ability to survive
2. ability to laugh and cry at will
3. natures gifts
4. my sisters
5. my mom
6. my children
7. my imagination
8. my dad in heaven
9. the light shining through the dark
10. knowing that I am a beautiful, loving, giving, creative woman

2007-02-27T11:51:00.000-05:00

...and into her being
he crept...
while she slept.
she smelled him
before her eyes allowed sight.
he smelled of leather and earth.
she lifted to come to him
but found her body too weighted
by the silken ties about her chest,
thighs, wrists and ankles.
fear shot through her middle,
his eyes paralyzed her will.
she knew he was to arrive,
but not like this
...not along with the Moon.
that powerfiul glossy orb
hung there,
through the branches,
shining that way
right into her room
...smiling.
....her mind gave way,
carnal forces took charge
...he was there now
to have her
as she had summoned.
...and so it was....

2007-02-25T08:55:00.000-05:00

...and then there came

an angel of the dark
glistening in the light.
her smile held me
balanced upon her promise
that
if i ~allow~ my dreams
they WILL come into being.
a spirit of the wood
encircled my heart on the day i cried
in order
that i awaken further.
the big sky,
seen through leaves of trees of earth
called my name;
dried my tears.
the scent of musk there reminded me~
there is no separation,
only connection.
the ending is always the beginning.
the dark is the light.
the pain takes me~ to the love.

gratitude list wednesday

2007-01-10T12:06:00.000-05:00

i skipped the last two weeks i think...oh well... doesnt mean i am not grateful.

1~Him 2~friends 3~stability 4~12 steps 5~compassion 6~strong intuition 7~courage 8~good health 9~crazy or mean people that show me how not to be 10~ bloggers and blogging ( i love ya'll)

My Tapestry

2007-01-10T11:32:00.000-05:00

the threads in my tapestry were frayed
i was leaking heart fluid, giving up
i was afraid and lost and needed him
doesnt he ever need me like that?
when the world breaks his spirit
when his brain hurts and his feet cant find the way
every thought entering my head was demonized
i turned on myself~ i was not enough and defective
i wanted to exit, run, fly, drink, or sleep away the fear
so many times have i picked it up and brushed it off
continued to trudge the road of happy destiny
with a bruised heart and a weary spirit
my intuition too porous, my eyes too wide open
i am yearning to be with him, to be in him, to serve him
i am powerless over his strong brick walls of fear
that keep me at arms length, that i try to climb over
and fall, and skin my knees and get up and look around
for one to take his place, to touch me like he does
they wont do. i want who i want.
he comes to me, to comfort, to nuture and to hold me
he makes love to me and looks into my eyes
he giggles with me, walks with me, and holds me
he cries with me, he opens to me, he loves me
i am willing to walk into the fire and get burnt
to at least be able to say i went for him, i loved him
i may be a lump of worthless flesh as a result
i will risk it, i have the courage, i have the heart
my tapestry is not store-bought and its threads protrude
with all my travels, my loves, my bonds, it is woven
the colors are vibrant, the texture is smooth yet rough
through the pain of lifes difficulties i have grown
i progress from my spirit into the one i smile at in the mirror
i hope he sees her and will let her love him

Ponderings

2007-01-06T12:27:00.000-05:00

My thoughts generated from a conversation with myself and a young Dom wise beyond His years:

The Slow Tease is an intense sexual technique that is useful because of what it reveals to the Dominant about His submissive. It also allows for power to gracefully be exchanged~ charged by an innate animal yearning. She is fired up so hot that nothing will do but to be taken hard. A Dominant who has the control and the patience to Master a woman in this way seems to insert Himself into her mind like no amount of punishment ever could. An experience is best when there is mystery and challenges that she cannot foretell. She does not want to be in charge. She needs Him to direct her toward, then perhaps over the edge, from a point of comfort to discomfort and then to release. The build-up is key~ withholding gratification, steady verbal direction, creative variety, the contrast of pleasure and pain, and tender training, insuring pleasure for all. *grins*

2007-01-03T05:24:00.000-05:00

painting is Ocean Gleam by Mark Shasha

enter me~dissolve me
spread my vapor all about
place me against your skin
as stars glitter above us
and earth rumbles below
fill my orifices
with your flesh and veins
until my walls are crumbled
into clouds

Mom and Dad

2007-01-01T03:43:00.000-05:00

On Friday, I went to see my Mom in SC where she and my sisters, brother-in-laws, nephews and niece live. They don't all live together, thank god or we would be visiting the insane asylum and the hospital more often.

I had been neglecting my Mom because the last few times I went to SC, I stayed with Daily Piglet, but didn't go see Mom. I love her and missed her so I am not sure why. Perhaps I knew that if I went to her home, I would see all the things that would remind me of my stepdad who died in February of 2006. Maybe I am just fundamentally bad and wrong......No!! That's not it.

So, I spent some much needed time with Mom and on Sunday when I was getting ready to go, I went in search of some clean socks because I forgot to pack some. I knew there were lots of my Dad's socks somewhere. My nephew (Angel Sis' kid) has his belongings all up in the spare room for storage so I had to wiggle my way through an obstacle course of crap to attempt to locate some socks. I move through Nephew's stuff and his energy and notice a distinct change in the air flow, temperature and smell. I am standing in front of an open closet full of my Dad's clothes. All around me are boxes. I look on the shelf above the hanging clothes and see jeans, a jean jacket and a corduroy sport jacket. I peek into the corner and I see a quiver full of arrows hanging on a nail. I begin to weep, then sob. I miss him. I feel his energy like my own skin. He was too young. He was too good. I loved him. I say in my thinking voice, "Dad, where the hell are your socks?" I turn to my right, look down into a box and there is about 6 pair, washed and folded into sock knots. There are a pair of jeans laying neatly across the box, WITH HIS BELT STILL IN THE LOOPS. More sobbing. My tears were clean, tears full of love rolling down my cheeks. Shit, my son can wear these clothes, I think. Won't that be awesome, Son wearing Dad's clothes? I look over and find a box labeled "Wally's meds". Hmmmmm.....wonder what kind of meds might be in there. Sure enough, there are the kind that can get a girl like me into trouble. I stand holding the box and looking at the writing on the bottle and hesitating a bit while trying to remember why I cannot take pills such as those. I remember how sick my Dad was. I remember how much I like being sober. I close the box and put it back. Looking through the clothes for a few more seconds, and around the room at what all is in there I am pulled from my trance by the inner voice that says get out of there.

I go downstairs and I am sniffling and still crying and my Mom says...."What....?" But she knows. She starts to cry and we cry together and hug.

Gratitide List Wednesday

2006-12-20T23:45:00.000-05:00

1. spaghetti
2. taking actions to face consequences and fix fucked up situations
3. my friend John who came downtown with me
4. clean, sober, smoke-free one more day
5. messages from god through people
6. warm bed on a cold night
7. prayer
8. pansies blooming
9. my friend Xavier who all ya'll know
10. a car that runs

Love is a Risk

2006-12-19T23:22:00.000-05:00

love is a risk.
opened to it
you may suffer.
you may
experience ectasy.
love is relative.
it contains
many interpretations.
as many
as there are people.
my heart is ripped open,
tissue and blood
laying in the dirt.
seeping chambers
mingle with dust.
vultures peck it,
spirit grows numb.
love is a risk.

CLOSER

2006-12-17T21:01:00.000-05:00

more each time
you open to me.
more each time
i feel you enter
deeper into me.
more every time
i love you.
more these days,
being without you,
threatens to
break me.
more each time
i dread your absence.
more every time,
the path to the garden
becomes less shaded.
sunlight streams through,
a gentle spring
quenches our thirst.
more each time
i know i must
let you go.

~coincidences~

2006-12-16T15:54:00.000-05:00

i have many theories~
one is that there are not events that occur
without our full knowledge and agreement
at some level in our being.
yes~ i would say that we know everything,
but just don't know we know everything.
yes~ i would say that "happenstance" is an actual plan
made by our souls in another place and time
for a reunion with one another.
yes~ i would say that we are all connected
by a golden thread and that we are One entity~
much like a "house with many mansions".
if i will just listen to the divine in me~
i will hear the voices of the angels,
and i will not know coincidence, only creation.

I'm moving

2006-12-14T18:21:00.000-05:00

(click on the picture, it will get big)

I found this quaint little town that I just must live in. Look at all the happy folk just doing fun things and being merry. I need to live where the folk are merry. It is a commune. There are a few more spaces left if you wanna come. You have to be prepared to leave modern society. Toodles!!

Gratitide List Wednesday

2006-12-13T18:39:00.000-05:00

1. my boy....he is a creative mastermind
2. my girl....she is my rock and my angel forever and always
3. my friends....who love me even though I am touched in the head
4. my family....the blood relations and the ones I have chosen
5. a spiritual shift....giving me an opportunity to serve
6. knowing that service is indeed the real reason I am here....and it is through this medium that I will find myself and connect to all that is
7. homemade macaroni and cheese....velveeta and shells
8. christmas lights...twinkling inside and out to keep my sad spirit out of the abyss
9. another year to evolve....I was born today 45 years ago
10. finding a bird feeder in the woods....happy b-day to me from the Universe....cuz it knows how I love me some birdfeeders

Maybe the guy in the red blanket has my heart

2006-12-12T11:42:00.000-05:00

So I woke up this morning looking for clarity and asking WHAT. THE. FUCK. am I thinking.
I have dropped out of the role of a responsible adult and turned into an isolating, unmotivated and lost little girl looking for Daddy to rescue me from a harsh world. HE. HASN'T. SHOWED. UP. YET. I do not want to experience any conflict whatsoever. I do not want to be in the modern world of consume~ consume~ consume~ anymore. I want to go live on a commune. I don't mind hard work AT. ALL. I just want it to mean something, be for a higher good, make a difference.
I don't like reality, never have. I tried to escape it with drugs and alcohol. That just about killed me and though I wished to be dead many times, I must need to be alive because I still am. I am stunted. I am lazy. I am wasting so much time. When I am good I am very, very good. When I am bad, I am horrid. The thing is.....I KNOW. THE. SOLUTIONS. and could fix YOU in a heartbeat or a blink of your eye. Paralyzed in a state of fear beyond my comprehension with only a spiritual answer lingering inside me that I cannot access.
Where have all the flowers gone?

Gratitide List Wednesday

2006-12-06T11:24:00.000-05:00

1. washing machine fixed 2. help from friends to fix the washer 3. my boy wanting to spend the night on nights that weren't normal nights 4. my boyfriend coming to see me on thursday 5. changing my schedule back to normal 6. free medicine 7. good health 8. a great program allowing me to live without drugs and alcohol 9. The Sun Magazine 10. nag champa incense

The Vessel

2006-12-05T09:25:00.000-05:00

Pick up the desolate doubt,

Scoop up the insistent insecurities.
Gather the self hate and raging regret.
Tote the grief and lingering loss.
Sweep into a pile the lonliness.
Donate the conditioning.
Carry all damning defects
where they may
be deposited into
a vessel. This pitcher will do.
She will hold all that you
surrender unto her and she will
stand and walk into the sea.
You only have to let go~
~before you drown from
a weight much too heavy
to hold alone.

This photo taken by the very talented man
from this blog 3... 2... 1... Dreams eye.
Please go check him out!

2006-12-03T04:45:00.000-05:00

This takes a few minutes to watch. Please let me know your reaction to it. I found it from linking to a friends blog, then another blog, then another blog.

YouTube - Kalvettu

Please

2006-12-02T07:23:00.001-05:00

you are the wise one...to keep a loose grip.

you are the centered one~ sitting on the fence.
one foot grounded in my adoration of you.
one foot prepared to push off
and propel you into drop and roll.
i am fire~ you know.
i remain in awe of your insight or intuition.
you just know how to handle me.
your authenticity is the trait i adore.
the magic that pours forth from those eyes,
that lets this little girl know she is yours,
that you have her back,
that you will tell her the truth
even if it makes her scream and fuss.
you are to be counted on.
please come off the fence
...in due time...
and bask in the sunlight.
please allow me in
...in due time...
where i may serve you best.
my request is not just for me~ me~ me~
because i love YOU~YOU~YOU~

"starrynight" by: Michaela Kolbeck

My Brown-Eyed Lover

2006-12-02T07:21:00.000-05:00

I get all starry-eyed and subdued by this man when he comes into my physical space.
Meanwhile~ he lives rent-free in my head most of the time. I wouldn't charge him if I could.
He is just accessing a part of me that I am only vaguely familiar with and I love him for it.
I will take our friendship a day at a time to the best of my ability.
This is me, below, stumbling through the daisies with a lovesickness only cured by his breath upon my neck, his hands roving my body, and his eyes looking into mine as he enters me and we merge in a symbiotic union.
He knows he had me at hello.
Oh~ the vulnerability.
Oh~ the surrender.

"Lovesick" by: Michaela Kolbeck

Gratitide List Wednesday

2006-11-29T23:16:00.000-05:00

1. my favorite One is back
2. long talk with my sister
3. weather is warm enough to open my windows
4. I set up my new Vonage phone and it works
5. I figured out why the washer stopped working and fixed it (it was the outlet that was bad, but the washer is leaking buckets of water for months now and I STILL NEED TO FIX THAT)
6. dreams
7. new book
8. candlelight
9. silence
10. love

A Decorating Story ~ Baaah Humbug

2006-11-28T05:37:00.000-05:00

We had this tradition of getting and decorating the tree on my birthday, December 13th.
My party was pulling out all the ornaments, garland, lights and fake tree, if we were using that instead of buying a real tree. We usually alternated years using the fake tree because we all loved a real frazer fir. Dwight would usually bake me a cake and get me some kind of ornaments as my birthday gift. There was Christmas music blaring and hardly anywhere to walk for all the boxes spilling forth with memories. There were many years where it was just Ashley and me, but then we became a family of four.

This year Food Lion has nice large frazer firs for $29.99 and the Christmas tree lots sell these trees for around $50.00. Before they all get sold, my roommate Shawna convinces me to get a tree. Forrest is here on Saturday. He agrees on getting a tree. Mainly he wants to go to Walmart so I can buy him a Lego toy. It isn't even December, my god. I NEVER decorate this early. We buy the tree on Saturday, and set it in it's tree stand with lots of water to keep it fresh. On Sunday, I get Forrest to help me lug the Christmas decorations out of the shed. We stack them in the kitchen and I start wondering how I can get away from Christmas. Baaaah Humbug. It is all about stores making money. I never decorate this early. My family is not together anymore. My heart is breaking.

Sunday after Forrest goes back to his Dads, I start looking at what is in the dreaded Christmas boxes. I start pulling out things~ the Nativity scene, the various snowmen, Santa Clauses, candles, the little village that lights up and some ornaments. It is bittersweet. My roommate walks through every now and then on her way to smoke outside and comments on the progress I am making. She knows I am fucked up in the head and she doesn't push for me to do more. I stay up all night.

Monday, I sleep all day and wake up at 6:30 pm. Somehow~ I decide to actually hang Christmas lights. So, the next thing I know, there are lights all over my front porch and the tree is decorated. When the bad thoughts come, I just ask them kindly to leave and continue at the task at hand. The light-up village I will leave for my son to set up on Wednesday when he comes.

It is not even December. I never decorate this early. Baaaah Humbug!! Maybe something really great is going to happen this Christmas. Just maybe.

Lips Red~Lillies White

2006-11-24T22:56:00.000-05:00

Slippery Man of my heart
I am calling to you~
begging for you
to enter my state
of relaxation
and forlorn disability
where I wait~
....handicapped
lips red
lillies white
missing You
lounging about
doing without
rich fabrics
animal skins
bare feet
incomplete
I need you.
I want you.
Come to me
even if only
in a dream~
to make me shiver sweet,
to pour your nectar into me,
to fill my imagination as your
brown eyes teach me in their
infinite silence who you are
and why I love you so.

Gratitide List Wednesday

2006-11-22T23:48:00.000-05:00

1. my lucky number 22
2. both my kids were with me today
3. visitor from outta town
4. vaporizor to put moisture in the air scented with lemon and sweet orange
5. chocolate
6. hot tea with honey
7. house smelling like cooked turkey
8. my Mothers voice
9. Blu Jewel for having my back on #10 of last G-List and for being so dang cool.
10. rain, glorious rain

My Sir

2006-11-21T23:59:00.000-05:00

i am clear that you are a free spirit
and i would not try to hold you down with my "love".
AS IF...holding down a Dom is an option.
*chuckle*
my fondness for you is unconditional
and whether or not your feelings match mine is not important.
i just want you to know that in this big wide world
where real love is hard to come by....that YOU matter to this little one. near or far....you have my heart.

Gratitide List Wednesday

2006-11-15T04:16:00.000-05:00

1. the tears that stream down my face because it is the only way to release the pain
2. my masseuse
3. i can see
4. i can hear
5. i have food
6. i have a car
7. my kids are healthy
8. planting my flowers
9. sleep~ to give me a moment to not have to feel
10. abstaining from having my asshole of a neighbor beat to a bloody pulp by random thugs

A Day for Planting

2006-11-14T13:23:00.000-05:00

Plunging my fingers into the grainy blackness,
I force an opening, a hole to receive the flower.
Covering the roots over and pressing the dirt tight,
my fingers push gently to allow complete support, an earthen embrace .
All leaves untrapped~ bright petals of yellow, purple, pink, and blue spread proudly.
Erect, they are looking for sun, smiling into it's light and knodding.
I will blink my eyes and look away, examine the dirt under
my fingernails and when I look back their roots will be seeking.
Hungry tendrils searching for food, leaves swallowing the suns rays~
toward the sky they stretch calling for rain, singing of unity.
I connect with them as life. I thank them as spirit. I love them
as the winter approaches and they are able to withstand its
severity and poke through the ice, peeking at me and loving me back.

I Am Grateful Because:

2006-11-08T21:39:00.000-05:00

i know that i have two choices~ love or fear ~and when i pick love everybody wins. when i pick fear it is because the behavior that will occur from being afraid will drive me to a place that i will suffer, i will learn and i will inevitably be led back to the love. so possibly, fear is only the low road to guide my spirit back to the high road because i just temporarily forgot who i was.

for this simple and pure knowledge, i am grateful.

His Return

2006-11-07T04:39:00.000-05:00

you are back now.
i smile, i sigh.
i feel coupled.
i am open,
free to be able
to believe in us.
i look into you.
i see you~
your eyes,
deep brown,
tell me that
it is safe
to pour my tears
salty as her ocean
on to your shoulder
as if it was a bowl
catching them,
like a rain basin,
to smear upon
your chest
over your heart.
my head can rest there,
... i can let go...
.......submit......
be happy or sad.
you are He.
i am she.
we drink of the nectar
of the fruit of possibilities.
you are here.
my gladness knows no bounds.

2006-11-03T23:11:00.000-05:00

What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics)

You are the Secretive Mermaid. Perpetual beauty that longs for legs to walk by the side of men. You spend your time gazing at the stars and whispering to the moon. You have little to no freinds that breathe. Your freinds all missing. You are sweet as syryp and kind as cake. There are a handful of people and mermaids like you. Would you rate my quiz I will keep it a secret?
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
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| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

random expressions

2006-11-03T22:48:00.000-05:00

leaves float gracefully to the ground,
following nothing but the breeze,
that carries them to the soil
into which they will merge.
the many hues of the colors of fall
fill my connected spirit with SMILES,
to be alive, to be able to love and to
have the freedom to remain
innocent and unjaded.
the sunshine warms my skin
which has shed a conditioned costume
of shame and defeat.
my metamorphasis is powered by the truth.
the expressions of my sex
have been surrounded
by a bubble formed of love and self-comfort.
i am the only one
who determines who i am and who i will become.
freedom from the bondage of how others see me
is the gift that i share with you now
~ as well as~
my body, my mind, my spirit and my heart.

Gratitide List Wednesday for 11~1

2006-11-02T08:38:00.000-05:00

1. Still firm breasts
2. healthy teeth for chewing apples and meat
3. lotion for dry skin
4. beautiful children
5. replacement of anger as coping mechanism with LOVE
6. ability to LET GO like never before in my life
7. school of hard knocks welcomed
8. homemade tacos
9. new John Legend CD that I got turned on to from going to this blog
The Butterfli Affect: Vol II, Beautifully Imperfect Acuity
10. all the talented bloggers that I love to the moon and back

what more?

2006-11-01T15:30:00.000-05:00

what more is there to say?
out of me have leaked all the
hopes invested in you.
they perch nearby~
time holds the power now.
it is a matter of letting it pass.
it is a matter of watching~
walking through each day
with eyes wide open,
to ascertain where our loyalty lies.
there is no more to say~
only tests to pass,
hoops to jump through,
trust to establish,
fear to transcend,
love to embrace.

A Cold Day Made Warm

2006-10-29T01:38:00.000-05:00

After a long, wet, wintery day of working outside on the farm, I would be honored to undress you next to a warm space heater as soon as you come in the door, take your wet clothes and replace them with a warm, (from the dryer) thick robe. I would wrap it around you and have furry slippers there to put on your freezing toes.

I would have a hot bath drawn with candles all around, ready for you to cleanse away the pressure and stress from the day. I would wash your back and massage your shoulders as you soaked. With the candlelight and the soft instrumental music playing I see the relaxation take you into it's loving embrace.

Knowing you are starving, I leave the room to see about our dinner. Everything is ready and I make a few preparations to make it ready to serve when your bath is over. I return to the bathroom, unfold a large, soft bathsheet and wrap it around you as you step out of the water.

After we finish dinner, our time together will take on the magical quality that my heart sings for on a regular basis.

Handing you a warm cup of tea or cocoa, I would ask you to come and sit in your compfy recliner by the fire. After you sat and regrouped for a moment, watching the crackling flames, I would then loosen my own robe, leaving it on but allowing you to see my warm, clean body that was there for you to use as you wished. Your eyes brighten when you see my perky breasts and know that they belong to you. You look at the floor. I kneel. You reach over and take hold of a handful of my hair and pull me close, lean down and nibble on my tit and I moan in pleasure. You move to the other one and lick and nibble more, creating an electric jolt through my middle. You place your other hand in between my legs, slipping a couple of fingers inside me and wiggling them to feel my incredible wetness. I would then ask permission to please my Master. When given the affirmative, I would then lower my mouth to your lap, as you spread your thighs apart to give me room to get to ALL your parts. Your hand still in my hair, you increase the pressure of the pulling while thrusting your cock deep into my mouth. Your voice, gruff and deep with lust, is the catalyst for my own passion rising as you tell me how long you have thought about filling the holes of your little slut on this cold day and how hard you are going to fuck me tonight.

Soon...it is obvious that you are warm and rejuvenated. You point to the floor. As I position myself on the furry rug in front of the fire on all fours, you slip the blindfold over my eyes. You lean into my body and whisper into my ear that I should brace myself, that you cherish me, but only these actions will allow you to shake such a grueling day.
My pussy throbs in anticipation and with the knowledge that you are an expert in the delivery of pain and pleasure.

With total trust, I surrender to your will.

Gratitide List Wednesday for 10~25

2006-10-28T02:19:00.000-04:00

1. rain all day to soak the soil

2. cozy sweats and warm blankets
3. halloween goblins and jack~o~lanterns
4. 600 thread count sheets
5. candy in small little packs
6. pills to make cocks hard **unabashed grinning**
7. unconditional Love
8. strangers that smile
9. costume parties
10. FALL

Autumn & Trees by Patrick O'Byrne

would you?

2006-10-25T02:14:00.000-04:00

would you take the time to make me yours through my own choice just to have me be alone when you must go? what cruelty could reside inside to create such a twisted need to have me like that, when all the others have been shooed away? surely a larger plan exists where you see the worth of me and the magic in me and wish to have me as yours for the rest of your days upon this doomed planet. i like to imagine fairy tales in real life and like to see a grand Force who sent you to me because i summoned you and because our hearts have been lying in little pieces in the dirt for long enough. would you just love me because my innocence still hangs on by a thread and because i like bugs and because my eyes sparkle when you look into them? can't that just be enough? can i just be enough as i am?

Gratitide List Wednesday for 10~18

2006-10-19T03:04:00.000-04:00

1. the fair is in town
2. cramps~which means my body works
and I am a healthy woman~ UGGGG.
3. X. for reminding me of GLW...I do love that man.
( I really am working on the Truth or Dare)
4. my lil angel red-headed angel girl
5. all my senses that let me absorb the world
6. my friend SUE
7. 12 steps
8. my sponsees who keep me honest
9. my sponsor who keeps me honest
10. knowing that my heart's desire is in my own backyard

Bonus: Special visit from special friend on Thursday.

evil love

2006-10-17T02:44:00.000-04:00

she wonders from where these fears are borne and into what blinding light they will be thrust when her hope takes a freefall into the abyss of the forever lost, the damned, the devil incarnate.

once the end comes, only blackness exists as death holds her breath for all to examine as the life force forfeited. go on into the smoky haven of the gray-faced skeletal mutants who thought love could be for them and who found it a flesh-eating proposition.

love lost is meat for the hungry beast of hate whose hunger is never satisfied.
go ahead~ step into the illusion that you too can be held warmly, lovingly and unconditionally. believe that you are enough just as you are. trust the hand that reaches out to lift you up. wish on a romantic star that every cell in you that needs a ONE will not be imploded by the trauma of heartbreak.

evil wills us to love so that we may suffer and become the walking dead, continuing to reach for that which we shall never have.

Gratitude List Wednesday for 10~4 and 10~11

2006-10-13T00:29:00.000-04:00

1. cool breezes
2. new rules that are hard to follow
3. getting along with my pre-teen son
4. my new roommate
5. being off work for 4 months
6. mediteranian food (gyros, greek salad,
hummus, pita bread, tzatziki sauce & baklava)
7. watching my crazy dog capture a turtle
(since she can't catch the squirrels)
NO~IT WAS NOT HARMED
8. new feathery cat toy for me------------>
(I don't have a cat)
9. bdsm
10. new books and jewelry
11. putting up a canopy over my bed
12. riding down the road jamming to Shakira
13. my ability to say,
"What's it gonna matter in 100 years."
14. all the sexy men
15. my big yard
16. my great family
17. charcoal grill
18. the privilage of giving back that which was so freely given to me
19. my spiritual connection
20. A Sistah Journey for reminding me that I have NOT done my list.

Ode to the Orgasm

2006-10-12T19:09:00.000-04:00

sweet electric Release,
be my companion.
oh, to surrender completely, letting you consume me.
what formula must be conjured
to open the gates where my mind holds you captive?
are you only for the few?
how is it that you can manifest to others
through only a voice, a nibble, a strike?
but not for me, as easily?
i will try to become a vessel of emptiness
and maybe you will flow through my veins free
not held at bay
by thinking, analyzing or judging.
sweet electric Release,
be my companion.

Silence Tells All

2006-10-03T16:45:00.000-04:00

Silence tried to illuminate me to the sweet ~n~ sour

sullen secrets of your indifference and your detachment.

As I stilled the committee in my mind,

I was swept into the river of forgetfullness.

I remained afloat, bouncing with the current

yet unaware of the road that our karmic history had traveled upon.

Sweet silence whispered the answers but my walls,

built of fears best mortar, remained steadfast.

She tried to burrow underneath them and met

the thick roots from the shrubs of avoidance.

When the possiblilities of freedom taking leave

became too large, the fortress opened, my cache

of spiritual knowing took charge.

Silence, filled with the ocean sounds, thunder and the

winds of change shared only that one truth.

In this moment will you find your way.

Only right now exists, all other is illusion.

Ride the seconds into the days into the years,

but cast no spells on yesterday or tommorrow.

A Blind Song

2006-10-01T00:23:00.000-04:00

If I was blind
I would know
Your hands,
Your hair,
Your smell,
Your footsteps,
Your body shape.
I would know
Your voice
that makes me drip
sweet juice down my leg,
warm and musky.
The liquid lust
created out of our merged energy~
Your domination,
my submission,
the culmination
of all of our experiences
bringing us right here~ right now~
where i am not blind.
Where i am so in tune and so contented
that your essence sings the songs of utter climax
in a key heard only by me.

MEN

2006-09-29T14:09:00.000-04:00

This nice, cool, breezy, fall weather sure is bringing the men out
of the woodwork.

It's raining men....LOL.

MMMM....yummy men,
I'll take ten,
playfully Zen,
could I request some twins?
or one named Ben?
Doms make me grin,
am I dreaming? stick me with a pin,
this is win win,
you are Yang, I am Yin.
come with me, let's go sin.

Ok...enough bad poetry.

Happy FALL to YA'LL.

Gratitide List Wednesday

2006-09-28T01:34:00.000-04:00

Well....I am a tad late with my list, but better late than never, eh?

1. old friends
2. sushi
3. candles
4. spankin's
5. new friends
6. orgasms
7. beach trip on sunday
8. learning something new
9. trusting my intuition
10. shedding old skin/habits

sparks to fire to ash

2006-09-26T23:49:00.000-04:00

i stepped into the sparks and they glittered all around my feet,

little quick bits of fire like pin pricks biting my flesh.
fourth of july sparkler warmth.
summoned, i could only walk on further into the heat.
my strut was straight and steady.
the red flames were evident and soon i found myself enveloped by a raging fire that flew high and hot like steel before it is bent and shaped.
volcanic lava, molten liquid rocks melting my will.
i could not stop walking into that which would consume me.
flesh, bone, and blood burnt into gray dust.
my only thought was how many ashes i would create as my spirit flew from the coals.

Lovers in the Garden

2006-09-25T18:05:00.000-04:00

once upon a time long ago, in a dungeon by the sea, we met.......

or

many moons past, when the earth was pure, the stars lured us.....
or

over the hills and through the forest, the sounds of lust echoed.....
or

far away and deep inside my womanhood, the tingling began....
and

.....our eyes locked, i was hypnotized,
and all the world was a transparent entity.
i could not see, hear or taste anything but you.
swept into a spell of pure utopia,
i abandoned that which i had known.
i was transformed.
i knew my other work had ended.
my service to you had begun and no regret could enter me.
no questioning arose for i had complete faith in my path.
you took my hand and we walked into the unknown.

~Hurry~

2006-09-23T20:09:00.000-04:00

Hurry back Brown Eyes~
I am aching for You.
My exploration
has brought me
around the world
and here I kneel,
awaiting Your return~
hoping that You will TAKE me.
You know whose little one
I have always been~
deep in the heart of You.
There is this garden inside,
lush and in need of harvest.
No man has been there~
my wish is for you to step into it
and make it Your own.

~Please hold me tight and never let go~

god=good orderly direction=love=god

2006-09-21T16:50:00.000-04:00

Taking a warm shower to clean my body...i imagine the water as god's love spilling all over and around me as the wetness washes over me in every direction so no part of me is left dry or apart from the divine.

Riding down the road in my car with both windows down and the sun roof open, the wind is swirling in every direction, i imagine god's love as the breezes blowing all over me and into all my pores so no part of me is left untouched by the holy.

I sit in the sunshine, sipping my coffee, talking to my friend about the demons that reside in my psyche and i imagine the heat and the brightness as god's love warming my skin, connecting me to all that is positive, all that is alive, all that is love.

Gratitude List Wednesday

2006-09-20T22:10:00.000-04:00

1. this too shall pass
2. fresh mowed grass
3. being with my son
4. the way my dog catches balls with her paws and mouth
5. my health is very good
6. warm showers
7. being a non-smoker
8. the road that has narrowed
9. those people that tell me the truth even when I want them to lie
10. food cooked on the grill

Marked

2006-09-19T00:53:00.000-04:00

you marked me
with your teeth,
your hands,
your stingy kisses,
your confidence.
i marked you
with my vulnerability,
with my eagerness,
with my passion,
with my willingness
to serve you.

wrapped around me
is You as a perpetual
mystery controlling
me with each bit of
affection left
on the ground
like crumbs~
so i can find
my way back home.

i let you go
and walk unmarked
for a time
until your hands
are in my hair again
and i kneel
before you
and i undress you.
then, you have me
again mentally,
physically,
emotionally.

a slow steady
brainwashing
from independence
to submission
from the hypnosis
of your eyes,
your smile
carved into
my memory
from the first
time you came to me
and touched me
as you pleased
when you marked me
through my imagination.

it pleases you that
i want to be yours.
it pleases you
to be aloof.
it pleases you
that i write
about you.
it pleases you
to mark me
and that i ask
for more.

the struggle to grow

2006-09-14T17:09:00.000-04:00

walking into the night, clouds cover the stars and the moon.

mist comes out of the sky as i weep away feelings of being replaced.
shedding responsiblity one thing at a time, one difficulty at a time.
seemed like a good plan to clear the slate and start anew, but the emotional baggage from days gone by, does not lift.
the work must still be done.
my pain is the indication that changes must be made.
my resistance pushes the knife further into the wound.
it is twisted and turned until numbness sets in.

tears can only allow so much release.

It seems that sitting in it and feeling it is the truest form of transcendence.
the only way out is through.
i have been here before, only there was a different smell, taste, shape, relationship, color, or dance.
i will make it through this one too.
i will cry my way back to the love.
into the love i trudge, eyes wet, stomach in knots, you on my mind.

Gratitude List Wednesday

2006-09-13T02:04:00.000-04:00

1. my dog
2. iced tea
3. cottage cheese and pineapple
4. this guy www.myspace.com/gabrielkelley
5. this guy jarrad - Glenn Sheffield - Awaken Things
6. listening to a 5th step and how honored I feel to do that
7. my new chair from Pier I
8. spaghetti dinner with daughter and son that daughter cooked
9. opening all my windows and letting the breeze flow in because the weather has cooled down
10. enlightenment and evolution

boy

girl

dog

I like Doms

2006-09-12T15:16:00.000-04:00

I like Doms and Doms like me.
Who is that One Sir? We shall see.
With my hair, He'll hold me in place.
His intention to escort me to that space.
His ego is hefty, His mind is sharp.
Mystery abounds when we get in the dark.
I smile and cry within a short time.
As he uses me, teaches me and makes us rhyme.
He knows I need baby steps to find my way.
Yet he pushes and dominates and has the last say.
He has the power that makes me want to submit.
With a look or a whisper my neurons are lit.
This way of being is glorious to behold.
My surrender so pure, more valuable than gold.

His Eyes

2006-09-10T13:20:00.000-04:00

She knew his heart had been broken.
His brown eyes spoke to her in tongues.
The holy spirit rose in him as his flesh smacked, lifted and caressed her.
Hovering near, were the ghosts that she would always be competing with.
Purple hazes, black nights and rainbow days.
Walking away was an option most would choose.
Staying to capture his heart was the pull she could not refuse.
Those eyes haunted her, owned her, and she reached as far as she could toward the message they expressed.
Finally, she stopped looking into them and they became reachable.

....another day....

His heart was too slippery to grab...through her fingers it went, like cool air through the vent. She watched it flow by, closed her eyes, bowed her head and surrendered any attempt at control that lingered in her strong and creative soul. Releasing felt glorious, burdens fell at her feet like cumbersome weights. A pure power of an unknown source radiated within her. Her physical body vibrated yet her spirit was still. His heart settled back into the fortress inside of him. They both knew it would always beat differently now. It's thumping seemed oddly in tune with her rhythm, especially when their eyes linked in those rare moments when time was only an illusion.

HOAX

2006-09-08T13:28:00.000-04:00

Looks like the below post is an evil HOAX. ~ Sorry about the confusion....please return to your homes in single file. (After you check out His post)

Show this fella some LOVE.

2006-09-06T15:06:00.000-04:00

I would like to present an eclectic and sexy blogger who I found.
Northwest Observer
He is going to share with the blogosphere this exciting ratings booster on Friday.
Trust me, he is not just a perv. His blog is much more than a pretty penis.
He is intelligent, articulate, very Zen, photographically inclined, creative, poetic, humorous and just a downright upstanding fellow.

Gratitude List Wednesday

2006-09-06T13:37:00.000-04:00

1. sunny days
2. confidence
3. clean water
4. Coke w/ lime
5. my children
6. making this list
7. parochial school education
8. bunnies in my yard
9. moonflowers
10. my imagination

These are the things I am grateful for today.

Missionary Slut

2006-09-05T17:00:00.000-04:00

Into his deep brown eyes she gazed to see the vulnerable boy who looked out. It was the boy who made those eyes smile and who connected with her even as the man maintained a dominant stance. She was in love with the dichotomy evident to a precious few. He shared himself with her even through his authority. Her detection of his fondness was her saving grace sent as a gift through his eyes and his force. He was gentle with his hardness. Her lust for him knew no bounds. She was his from the moment he tugged her hair and kissed her deeply.

She was a missionary slut who longed to deliver to him the message of import from a truth she knew well. She was there to teach him that feeling would not be his undoing. Words were of no use and would not convince him. She could only show him by loving him unconditionally. The little boy knew. The man had shut down to a stagnation that called out to be converted. She wanted him to know her magic and his soul was her project.

She craved his power over her. She wanted his roughness and his teeth sinking into her skin. She was willing to be the one who would cry for him and the one who swallowed his releases and her pride. She wanted him to bind her and take her. She wanted to be the little one who he would protect. She was submissive to him and knew that to allow him to vicariously experience his pain through hers was as close as she would get to opening the portal that had been sealed tightly and locked, the key hidden well. She wanted what every missionary wants and that was to save the heathen from that which she deemed a straight path to hell. She thought of hell as a state of mind but it burned quite hot just the same.

He was built to be the leader and to keep a strong shell of steel intact that was absolute, not to be debated. Missionaries can sometimes be sacrificed in the fire to allow survival of the old ways. Ego does not relinquish easily. Her mission was clear, her doctrine set down, her method was her powerlessness and her love. She would not burn in the fire as long as she kept her gaze on the softness in his brown eyes. He would not burn in the fire as long as he held the key.

Where For Art Thou?

2006-08-31T00:03:00.000-04:00

Where for art Thou?....oh Master of mine.

i thought i heard Your whisper from the
forest as i moved through the meadow.
i have searched through cloud-filled days
and into moonless nights.
i sensed You.
i believed i would be taken up into Your strong arms
and used for Your companion, for Your maid
and for Your own deepest, darkest, most taboo desires.
Your wish is my command.
Through the smoke of the fire and the fragrance
of the holy wood, i plead for You to manifest.
It has been too long that i have been alone
and without Union.
i feel my lustful spirit wilting and my glee fading.
Where for art Thou?

gratitude list wednesday

2006-08-30T23:32:00.000-04:00

1. being single
2. living in a state where there are mountains and beaches
3. being able to cry
4. being able to laugh out loud
5. knowing my truths
6. Bill W. And Dr. Bob
7. all those horrible experiences that thrust me to the bottom
8. all the discomfort and dissatisfaction that push me toward newer bottoms
9. men
10. crayons

2006-08-29T02:05:00.000-04:00

Using your mouth

Your sexual hidden talent is your ability to use your mouth. You are incredibly sensual, a great kisser and a seductive lover. You drive all of your partners crazy with your mouth.

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

~Storm~

2006-08-27T20:56:00.000-04:00

Wisps of hair scattered over my brow
flutter from the breeze
that pours through the screen. It storms hard outside
as the hurricane season approaches. Adrenaline pumps through me
when the thunder claps loud,
breaking the deep silence. Skies dump rain in large pellets
that splash through the open window
from the puddle below my window. Cool sprinkles of water,
life giving juice,
land in tiny splatters on my belly. You enter the semi-dark room
lit only with the lightning
from the tumultuous sky. Your eyes ignite me,
my body reacts without a touch. Then, you speak and call me ~babygirl~. My heart quivers
as you paint an extraordinary picture
with colorful and wicked terms
that excite and heighten my need
to be taken roughly. Storms rage on~ inside and out,
in conjunction,
as the rain and I serve our Masters.

saturday morning

2006-08-26T11:53:00.000-04:00

~Starry Night~
Pen drawing by Van Gogh, executed after the painting

Listen....Create.....Believe....Twinkle

To make Your eyes twinkle like the stars,
the moon shines new, spells are castable,
the formula is pure.
Summoning your reality is possible as the innate birthright
which is Your intuition... the Knowing that you possess yet continue to bypass.
Stand and soak in it's wealth.
It is a gift to open and utilize all of Your days.
Many prophets enter Your domain to share this truth with You.
Listen....and Your eyes will twinkle
like the stars.

The Rock

2006-08-25T02:16:00.000-04:00

Damsel.............................My Beth

Prize this stone over all others
for in it lies my Gratitude, my devotion
and my truest love. I pray thine
eye may discern this precious gem
from amethyst and diamond. I
pray thy supple
heart, as thy son,
may be my grace.

10-03-02

Today I watched our son
run and shriek and leap
From sunsplashed rock to
sunsplashed rock accompanied
by his dog, with complete
abandon of all things unholy.
My heart
was glad and I
have no
want.

This was made by DTC, who is my son's father. We spent 12 years of our lives as a couple. We will always be in each other's lives even though our relationship is ever-changing and we are no longer together. This post is an acknowledgment of my appreciation for him. He is a good man and I will always love him deeply.

gratitude list wednesday

2006-08-23T19:16:00.000-04:00

1. cool rain on a hot day and taking the time to stand in it and refresh
2. homemade country fried steak, mashed potatoes and green beans
3. a leather riding crop *grin*
4. new flower blooms
5. hot sexy girls flirting from afar *grins again*
6. O~ hooks in waterbeds to attach rope to
7. clouds that look like Cher
8. a new Calvin and Hobbs book
9. big hugs
10. knowledge that all is right in this Universe and I will not get anything too hard to handle and if it is, God will send me a helper

BONUS: having these instructions.

~TEARS~

2006-08-23T10:09:00.000-04:00

Many tears fall by way of releasing control.
Wet affirmations of affinity to Your method.
Happy tears...tears of freedom to be rubbed into my skin hot with lust and submission.
This moisture, if gathered and accumulated into divine puddles could cure any ill. They are a beautiful byproduct of satisfaction, of union and of surrender.
Tears for any reason, Heal.
Letting You be the impetus to propel me into that space in the 4th dimension is a present given to myself via service to You.
Everyone wins.
My own treatment of me will be reflected by Your contentment.
Your smile will stretch wider. Your eyes will twinkle brighter as they reach into my core to take my mind and body.
The flowers hold more color, the breeze is more fragrant and the moon is fuller.
It is the unseen that we create that makes the seeing so much clearer.
Fear not my tears, they signal my joy.

Before Rising

2006-08-18T23:40:00.000-04:00

"I am the force that turns the flower to the Sun.”

The silken strands of my hair are spread over your groin and thighs as I lay my head upon your hardness. I love to feel it on my cheeks, my lips, my eyes, my neck, and my breasts. The softness of the head with its rim and curves is a work of art that my tongue needs to examine, along with the shaft, from beginning to end. I enjoy your low moan as my hair drapes about your legs while I move to kneel before you. Taking you into me, this time into my mouth, is a fulfillment that I crave each day as we wake, before our limbs know the morning's stretch.
The kiss you bestow on me makes me quiver, the way you tease and nibble. Your fingertips...pinching and twisting my nipples, seem to have sensors that pick up on the intensity needed without me uttering even a sigh. I do emit noises of perfect pleasure because your touch is all I ever wish for. Mmmmmm....god, you turn me on....my skin grows tiny goose bumps that reflect the aching between my thighs. You gather my hair with one hand and expertly wrap it around your large fingers while keeping the other on my chest. Your hand is flat against my heart with just the slightest pressure to keep me in place. All is quiet and still. I have no desire to move from between your legs and am content to remain surrounded by you, here, now, always.

CONFESSIONS

2006-08-17T23:39:00.000-04:00

It is possible that I am having a mid-life crisis.
I quit my 11 year job a month ago, worked for a dumbass for 2 weeks but he wasn't up for my kinda organized way of doing business. He was a plumber with no license and 90 days overdue at his supply houses. I was going to fix that shit, but NO~ NO~ NO~ he found me a little too outspoken. Yes, I am dominant in my work life. I have too much to offer not to be. I am not looking for another job yet because I don't want to work.
I have worked ALL my life, starting at 11 years old when I begged Mom to let me get a paper route. If I wanted anything other than food and few pieces of clothing and shoes, I needed to earn it. We were poor with only one parent trying to raise three girls.
So~ I am figuring that since I do so well under pressure, I will just wait until the money runs out, then go all beserk and run out and become employed just like that. For some reason, I seem to have luck. Right, Piglet??

I am addicted to blogging and collarme.com.
I am seeking a mate but want to remain single. I am isolating, staying up all night and sleeping in the daytime. My meeting attendance has plummeted. I am actually quite happy right now. I don't want to be responsible anymore. I see why people in their mid-40's go and join cults like the Hale-Bop Crew and Jim Jones. They just get sick and fucking tired of struggling and fighting the good fight. So...if I disappear it might be because I joined a cult or started one.
Come one, come all...you too can learn special incantations, give up your worldly goods and blindly follow me, Magicalsis.

Meanwhile, I will keep looking for a Dom to support me.
I figure there is probably a fella out there who is ready to take on a girl like me to run his home, give him blowjobs each morning and brighten his days with my lively, creative, playful and loving spirit. Here I am Babe, come and take me away on your big white horse (or black, brown, rust-colored or spotted for all I care as long as it runs fast). Spank me, pull my hair, tie me up and make me call you Sir.

Check out these pictures of my "homestead."

Where I Live

2006-08-17T23:34:00.000-04:00

Front of my humble abode (a duplex).

Closeup of my flowers in the front.

This is my street in front of my home, a cul-de sac, with a tree in the middle.

This is the little pond just beyond the cul-de-sac, it is the reason I have so many cool birds.

This is a collection of plants in pots and my faithful dog, Maggie. The curvy plant in the front is and avocado that grew from a seed that I bought to make guacomole.

Gratitide List Wednesday

2006-08-16T17:36:00.000-04:00

Xavier for reminding me to post my list and for being my brother in the steps
My son and I playing badmitton, eating spaghetti and laughing together
My mood shifting from intense isolation to the possibility of rejoining the human race
chocolate and caramel flavored creamer for my Starbuck's coffee
a car to drive, my own place to live and food in my refrigerator
a loving and supportive family
my dog Maggie
being clean and sober
all the blogging buddies I have met since January who are some of the most creative and intelligent people I have ever "known."
all my flowers and plants (I will post pictures soon so ya'll can see)

Hey~ I want to invite all the blogmeisters who visit me to PLEASE join Me and Xavier in our 1st official GRATITUDE LIST WEDNESDAY. I find that being grateful for what we have and the people in our lives actually summons more good will to us. C'mon....take a few moments to DO IT!!! This will be an EVERY Wednesday thang that we do.

Namaste~

fruit and water

2006-08-13T11:27:00.000-04:00

the fruit is supple, bursting with sweetness on the branch.

i wrap my hand around it with a gleam in my eye and pull. it releases not~ the stem putting up a grand fight. i twist and pull with determination and perseverence. my mouth is salivating and i am driven. my captive finally gives way and the stem snaps. i stumble back a step and laugh a deep belly laugh at the struggle between me and the limb. the fruit holds the energy of the sun at high noon as the warm dew evaporates off it's skin. one bite pierces it and sends juice down my chin and unto my breasts. eating fruit naked is really the way to go...especially if near a body of water. then i can jump in and rinse off the sticky sugar that oozed out as i devoured the nutrient rich snack. the cool water rinses away my stress, my fears and my woe. it weighs down my hair and wraps me in its wet love. it quells my fire...the fire which burns non-stop in me. i gather the balance i need by submerging, absorbing, uniting with it's currents. i float on my back, hands hanging over the sides of my raft, eyes closed and the lake rocks me into neutrality. i am a babe again, innocent and void of lifes trials, in a state of grace. i can attain all that i need when i spend time in the water. my center returns, my flames die down... the peace envelopes me and my thoughts pass through my mind as the boats on the lake gliding by toward nowhere.

come to me early

2006-08-10T03:14:00.000-04:00

come to me early
when the dew glistens.
take me to that place
from sleep to awakening.
rapture and dominance,
perfect bedfellows to be
woven into our destiny
under willow trees,
near clear streams.
weather storms severe
with your infinite strength,
transforming their
power into your own
so that i may follow you
in faith and in trust.
leave me late when nocturnal
creatures roam the fields,
when night and day
meet in that heavens embrace
that one brief moment
conception is inevitable
of our journey inside.
save me from the unholy,
the demons that threaten
to tie me down to the
status quo of a fight
never to be won.
so come to me early,
leave me late.
hold me always
so i may let go.